"Dreamscape Is Awesome" or how peeing your pants isn't all bad!

Peeing your pants. One of the greatest fears known to mankind. There was a time in my youth that I was so fearful of urinating in my undergarments that I would literally go to the bathroom three or four times before leaving on road trips of any length. It’s hard to really pinpoint the reason for the severity of this fear. I mean, dogs urinate everywhere when they feel like it, and does anyone really hate dogs?? Hell Adam Sandler said that peeing your pants was cool, and he’s the most reliable box office draw in the country right?? Come to think of it, a valid second opinion might be warranted, especially after “Jack And Jill”. But, whatever darkness brought upon us by the mighty deities that knows our hearts has sought this fear out. And I, for one, mean to end it right here…or something.

So I’d like to take this opportunity to make a public admission. Hello, my name is Shawn…and I am an ex-pants wetter. WHEW! That feels so much better. HEY!! There’s nothing wrong with it, its just a fact of life that we as human beings have to accept happens sometimes. It may not be the preferred method of bladder release, but it does happen on occasion, and I, for one, want to not be portrayed like Casey Anthony every time I make boo boo onsies.

Life is stressful enough to navigate without having to deal with the judgmental laughter of bratty little boys and girls searing in your skull. And as I continue to age like the fine wines of France, Italy, or, New Jersey, accidental bladder release is going to become a sad and sorted fact of my elderly life. And without Missus Garret there to console me in my damp underpants, I will have to surf this problem alone, pun definitely intended. Therefore, it is my mission to make accidental bladder release socially acceptable. So socially acceptable, in fact, that Brad and Angelina will be showing up on the red carpet in his and hers designer French Connection adult undergarments. I will begin by quoting the words of the iconic Mexican resistance leader Che Guerva “VIVA LA PEE PEE!!” Which I am sure he must have said at one point. Being heroic and all.

That being said, I would like to narrate now to the public the harrowing tale of my first real remembered experience of pants wetting. Or, how Dennis Quaid’s perfectly feathered hair, Underrated Character Actor David Patrick Kelly, Nunchucks with FREAKIN’ maces attached to them, and a man in a Giant Rubber Snake Costume caused me to severely loose control of my bladder. Or, in layman’s terms, the reasonings for my undying nostalgia and worship for a small little sci fi gem of the 80’s Joseph Ruben’s “Dreamscape”