“The Muppets” or “How Felt Puppets Can Restore Your Faith In Humanity”

Let’s face it, the human race as a whole is a cancerous pile of excrement. Myself included. There’s no getting around the fact that all of us are in this life to serve ourselves and ourselves alone. We destroy our planet with aerosol cans and plastic bottles purely for conveniences sake. We hunt other less intelligent beings for food without regard of their own right to life. And we get from place to place using the fossilized remains of the former inhabitants of our planet, and this fuel has become such a necessity to our lazy daily lives that countries will kill women and children to obtain possession of it. And even though they have the resources to render it obsolete and save those same lives, those in power think it better to fill their own pockets, making life on this planet a less likely option for future generations. For which I am truly frightened for.

It’s a bummer man. And It’s the very reason that I became an extreme film addict in the first place. Some of us escape our fates by using drugs or alcohol to shut their brains off for a time. I prefer to let mine wander the silver screens in search of better endings. To take myself back to simpler times when I knew not of the troubles and tribulations of the human race, a time where life was filled with the possibilities of success, true honest friendship, and the promise of greatness to come.

Part of my brain has a defense mechanism that programs it to believe that characters on screen exist, even though my cynical adult brain revels in humanities downtroddeness. I can put myself in the roles and believe that I am living their stories. And when I’m in that world, at least for 90 minutes, or in the case of Peter Jackson 12-13 hours, I believe this planet can actually be a good place, and hope seeps through that makes me realize that we, the human race, can overcome anything when we work together. However unfortunately seldom that is.That’s why ever since I saw a sunlit helicopter shot reveal a banjo playing felt frog who spoke of the mysteries of rainbows I’ve been in love with Kermit the Frog and The Muppets.

This title screen still gives me chills

I can’t remember when I first saw “The Muppet Movie” if it was in an actual theater or Magnetic Video Corporation’s original VHS tape, which my father, in all his infinite wisdom, found a necessity to purchase with his first wave of tapes when he brought home that boxy machine. I just remember watching and KNOWING that I wasn’t just watching a puppet movie, that there was something MAGICAL about that frog. He seemed alive. And by the end of the movie, I was transformed, I was dreaming their dream with them. “Life’s like a movie, write your own ending. Keep believing keep pretending, we’ve done just what we’ve set out to do.” Words that gave me a life’s philosophy before my tiny brain could even grasp the concept of life philosophies. (My two other philosophers being Winnie the Pooh and Jeff “The Dude” Lebowski, more on those in future blogs).

It’s one of those rare movies that I consider a PART of my life. I feel that I am a better human being because of it. It has taught me things that I never could have learned from a book, valuable life lessons about friendship, loyalty and perseverance that have helped me navigate through this strange and amazing occurrence we call life. I watch it whenever I get sick or whenever I’m sad, Paul Williams amazing soundtrack is part of my permanent IPOD rotation, and when I was lucky enough to marry an amazing woman, “Rainbow Connection” was the song that I chose to be my dance with my mother. That’s how much that film, Kermit the Frog and The Muppets, mean to me.

Call me childish and stupid, but Kermit is one of my personal heroes. Even though my adult brain can process the theory that he’s just a piece of felt, something inside my heart convinces me that there something MORE inside that puppet, something that feels to me kind of like a soul. He’s a born leader, even though he never wanted to be one. He cares deeply for his family, even though they squish him, and electrocute him, and generally make his life a living hell (as families often do), He always tries to do what’s best for them, and holds his head up proudly that he’s a part of them. Pigs, bears, animals, and whatevers, He gives all he has to them unconditionally, which is what all great leaders should do. All things being equal, I would follow that frog into battle.

Yep. Right up there with Bruce Wayne and Peter Parker

After the unfortunate passing of Jim Henson (the first famous person that I ever wept for) the next few decades were not kind to The Muppets. They went from the height of quality of Children’s entertainment, to kitsch, jokey interpretations of classic storytelling that drove the characters into the ground (save for the only true Jim Hensonless classic The Muppet Christmas Carol, which is required viewing for the holidays). Gone was the classic irreverence that was The Muppets, and the true nature of these characters that we had grown to love. The world’s cynicism took over children’s entertainment. Shrek and his Dreamworks ilk took the world’s children by storm and hammered the comically sarcastic nail in the coffin of that great frog and his friends. The world had changed, today’s kids wanted a more sophisticated form of entertainment. Or so we all thought.

Enter Jason Siegel. Of whom I admittedly was not a big fan of before he decided to take on the task of bringing these beloved characters back to the forefront of pop culture where they belonged. I had seen his breakout film “Forgetting Sarah Marshall” and had thought it was a hilarious and thoughtful portrayal of a man’s complete breakdown after a bad breakup But it didn’t exactly make him the most qualified person in the world to take on these characters. Sure we had the puppet musical at the end, and Siegel’s professions of love for the characters, but The Muppets do not belong in a Judd Apatow universe. The best of the Muppet movies take place in a world without cynicism, and I feared that Siegel would take the purity of these characters and just make the movie a series of pop culture jokes, which would completely not represent what the character’s were in their prime. So I waited and hoped that Sigel and his gang of merry men would be able to bring my beloved Muppets back with the respect they deserved.

Believe it or not, this dude SAVED The Muppets!!

And needless to say, I was floored. Not just by his appreciation and respect for the characters. But the fact he used the film as an opportunity to comment on the state of the entertainment industry and the cynical nature of humanity, and as Jim Henson before, Siegel, Director James Bobin, and song composer Brett McKenzie made us believe in dreams again. And brought us back to those simple times when we were young, the world was innocent and reminded us of why we love The Muppets in the first place. And in my opinion, humanity owes them all a great debt, because to make a simple film about hope in these times, is a rare thing indeed. But I am a Muppet fan and may be biased.

Now, there are some fictional places that I would love to visit. The dark noirish LA streets of Dashell Hammett, Marvel’s super being inhabited version of New York, and the Full House of well...Full House to name a few. But there is only one that I would move into immediately if I could and that’s The Muppets version of Smalltown USA. A place where people break out into musical numbers at the drop of a hat. A School that teaches you practical lessons like how to work on cars. Feist and Mickey Rooney stop by for a song cameo and be on their way, And, most importantly, a grown man can hang around with Muppets way into his thirties and no one would think it was weird. And even better The Muppet can be his brother.

Gary, Walter, and Mary as characters are something of a miracle the represent humanity at its best. Living in a cynical world where even the Muppet’s themselves have become victims of the times, these three come into their world and give them something they haven’t had in ages, hope. The world has forgotten all about them and in they all have tried to carve out places for themselves in it. But sheerly through their fanbyoic glee, these three, Walter especially, make Kermit and the gang rediscover their love of performing and realizing that the world really does need them now more than ever.

We live in a technologically dependant society, where humanity is both always connected, but in ways disconcerted by social media, reality television and the Internet. And if you would have asked me before the release of the film, I would have said that in this day and age there is no way children could connect with the “vintage” comedy or corniness of the Muppets. But then, something amazing happened. People actually went to see it.

Best movie of 2011. Sorry "The King's Speech".

Box office numbers are usually not something I care about because to be honest with you most of my film watching habits have grown greatly askew of the popular culture of today. But that weekend, I was watching those numbers like I’ve never been before. And I did shed a tear when the film became a hit. Guaranteeing that the next generation and generations to come would be able to share the zany, corny, and heartwarming sense of hope that these characters can bring.

And now, thanks to these brave filmmakers, we have a sweet little film that I can be proud to share with my son. A film that will, hopefully, bring him a sense that the human race are not all cancerous piles of excrement, that if we all can work together, we can accomplish amazing things. And I have a new song to cherish that I sing to him everyday. It’s called “Life’s A Happy Song”, and due to the magic of The Muppets and this movie, I can actually believe that it is true. 

Life's like a movie, write your own ending, keep believing, keep pretending, we've done just what we've set out to do.  Thanks to the lovers, the dreamers, and you.